RELATIONSHIPS

WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT?

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“Why do people cheat?”

That’s the question that has been weighing on my mind all week.

Just last week, a cheating scandal rocked the marriage of a Nigerian celebrity and the news was trending on social media. In case you missed it, let me give you a summary of the gist. These two dated for about 12 years before getting married last year. Now the ‘beloved’ husband has impregnated his ex-girlfriend and she’s off to birth the child abroad. Ouch!

When I read the story at first, what I felt was pure sympathy. Imagine having to deal with such level of betrayal especially in the full glare of publicity. It must really suck. But my sympathy was soon replaced with confusion because I don’t get why people decide to cheat. Yes I said decide because I strongly believe that CHEATING IS A CHOICE! 

You know how there are endless articles about how to prevent your partner from cheating or how to know if they are seeing someone else, the weird thing is that even after you do everything by the book, they will still cheat. Why?

If we say it’s because of unhappy/unsatisfactory relationships, why don’t you just leave instead? Why cheat? And if leaving is not an option, why not try to work on your issues? Every relationship has its fair share of troubles after all. The reason might even be that you are attracted to someone else (which I think is completely natural), but why act on those feelings when there’s someone you’re already committed to?

Just so we’re on the same page, what qualifies as cheating? Because what counts as cheating to me, may be different from your own perception of cheating. So, in my own opinion,

Cheating is getting emotionally or physically involved with someone else outside your relationship.

That means that even if you’re not sleeping with him/her yet, if you have feelings for them and you nurture those feelings through your actions, you’re cheating!

After asking myself these questions a gazillion times, I decided to ask a few people and I got some really interesting answers. Unfortunately, I can’t share all of it here. However, one that struck me particularly was from a guy who has cheated before, he said;

Most women are under the illusion that they are special and the men should treat them as such. Yes, they might be special but the man is special too. They should try and figure out the man. Usually it’s the guy that figures out the girl – her likes and dislikes, in a bid to win her heart. Women rarely do that and even when they do, it’s just halfhearted. It’s not something they go all out to do. If you really want to keep your man and not share him with anybody, you need to know what he does and doesn’t like.

Another one worth sharing is the answer I got from a single lady in her early twenties. She said,

I think why most people cheat is because the relationship becomes boring. And most times both parties are to blame. Because they are used to each other, they stop doing the little things that made them fall in love in the first place. A thirst for some excitement can push some people to take drastic steps.

Whatever the reason though, cheating is still wrong. And I don’t think there’s like a precise list of reasons why people cheat. I’m not a relationship expert but what I think is that it doesn’t really matter if you’re doing all the right things or all the wrong things because whoever will cheat will still cheat. So it’s not entirely your fault if you got cheated on. You may have made some mistakes but they chose to cheat. You’re not responsible for that. However, this shouldn’t be a licence to be lax in our relationships. A good relationship is a lot of work.

Now the big question is, what next after the cheating happens? Should you end the relationship? Or should you forgive and try to work things out? Is cheating enough reason for divorce? How much cheating is too much cheating? And if you got cheated on, what would you do? I’d love to hear your opinions. Sound off in the comments section!

PS: If you have cheated before, you can share your reason(s) with us. Why did you do it? And if you’ve been cheated on, how did you cope with the hurt?

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9 thoughts on “WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT?

  1. If I get cheated on and we’re not yet married, i’m definitely leaving cos u’ll probably cheat again. If we’re married without kids I’ll give u a 2nd and even a 3rd chance before I leave. But if we have kids *sigh* God help me, I’ll stay for the kids.

    1. Yes I have cheated before and the reason is not peculiar to me. Sometimes, it is just in someone to cheat; other times, there is need that is not being satisfied by ur main person and it is always difficult to resolve. That was why I cheated, more of the previous.

  2. Gush! Cheating can hurt like fire….it would take a lot of grace…to move on..without it being an issue in d marriage or relationship…one word…divine intervention!!

  3. If I got cheated on, we’ll have to take a break from the relationship for me to be able to deal with the hurt and resentment I would feel. It would be really hard but ultimately I would forgive him. What I’m not sure of is how the trust can be fully restored though. I don’t even know if that is possible.

  4. lovely post . i agree with the second view a lot and even more to the first . i believe that there are a billion and one reasons why people cheat . ever heard of the “chocolate effect” ?. i believe the only way to stay away from cheating on your spouse is true dedication to a lot more than just the physical .

  5. Personally, I also think cheating is a decision…I think almost everybody is tempted to cheat once in a while but the decision you make at that moment determines a lot

  6. People cheat because they are selfish and cowardly…plain & simple.
    1. Selfish because they use their own “unhappiness” to somehow justify a remedy with someone else.
    2. Cowardly because they do not have the courage to tell their other what is bothering them or that they just want out, don’t create a terribly painful situation for the other so they will do what you couldn’t and end it. DONT BE A PUSSY B/C U WANT OTHER PUSSY.
    If you are not receiving something out of the person you chose to share this life with, a person that trusted & exposed their most raw self to, then do the courageous thing and COMMUNICATE IT. Have the courage & respect for that person you once adored and either end it or ask for help.
    ****************************The DOUBLE STANDARD from men is criminal;******************************
    **He cheat’s and your ridiculous for they feelings you have about it
    **She cheats and that’s it! She’s a horror, a ho, a slut and want nothing to do with her again.
    Why cant some men understand the pain they cause by this callous selfish act. There is no “main chic” and no “side chic”….there is and should only be 1 queen in your life just like there is only 1 king in my life.
    Marriage = TEAM a term familiar to men by correlation to football/sports. How would you feel if a player from your team, secretly dressed in another teams uniform and played for that team only to win the super bowl, would you feel cheated….hmmm?

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