RELATIONSHIPS

CAN YOU TRULY BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX(S)?

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Breakups suck. There’s no doubt in the world about that. Especially when you’re the one being broken up with. Imagine this. You meet someone, you guys connect on so many different levels, you fall in love and somewhere in your head, you are already planning your future with that person right in the middle of it. Then out of the blue, they hit you with it- cold and raw. It’s over! The thing is whether or not they even give you a reason for their decision, bottom line is They are dumping you! And even if they are ‘kind’ enough to make some effort to let you down easy, you’re still gonna fall and get your heart broken. Period.  And no, they don’t score extra points for playing nice.

That said, it’s bad enough you’re breaking up with me. At least that I can wrap my head around. Shit happens. But how you will now open your mouth and ask me to be friends, is way beyond me. Seriously! It’s not even so much about what they’re saying that’s so annoying but the ease with which they do. Why on earth would I want to be your friend? You just freaking dumped me! And before you start getting into the whole sermon of maturity, not wanting to be friends is not being childish. We’re cool yeah. But we are NOT FRIENDS.

I don’t even get how the whole friendship with the ex thing works. I fall in love with you, share my life with you, make memories with you and you one day decide that you no longer want ‘us’ then you’re stupid enough to add that “you still want us to be friends because you’ll always want to have me in your life.” Who cares what you want at this point really?

I think that asking to be ‘friends’ with someone you just broke up with is very selfish and insensitive. Probability that the person still loves you is really high (else they’d have dumped you earlier than you did them), and you just broke their heart. They need time to deal with the harsh reality of what just happened. They need time to get over you. They need time to heal. But the one thing they do not need for sure is your offer of friendship. You’re the enemy!  Lol.

Ultimately, you both might get to a point of civility. You know that point where you don’t pray that he/she falls off a bridge and gets eaten by sharks anymore but you don’t particularly pray for them to find their happily ever after either. I personally think that’s your best bet. Friendship? I think that’s a bit farfetched. Except you were never in love in the first place.

What are your thoughts? Is it possible to genuinely be friends with an ex? Especially one who broke your heart? 

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12 thoughts on “CAN YOU TRULY BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX(S)?

  1. I have only one ex and we are still great friends. 1.) no one dumped anyone, it just wasn’t working. 2.) we were friends before we became lovers. The possibility of friendship after a break up depends on the kind of break up and the kind of relationship. I was upset because we weren’t together anymore but I didn’t hate him and it wasn’t his fault. Also I healed faster because he was still around and nothing really changed. Moving on was easier, because healing and letting go was a gradual process which friendship allowed.Yes you are so right, it has nothing to do with maturity, it just depends on the two individuals and the situation.

  2. Friendship after a breakup is determined by how the breakup happened and the type of personalities involved from both sides. But for me, I am not so sure about being friends with my ex, no matter what kind of breakup it was; at least not immediately lol. Maybe if time went, I could be open to it, but certainly not right after. Unfortunately, it takes a LOT of time for me to move on from someone I once truly and deeply loved. So once that breakup has happened, I need as much distance as possible to start the healing process.
    No friendship with my ex, I don’t want, I already have enough friends :).

  3. I read something a while ago…. A couple who breakup and still remain good friends is rare… It’s either they were never in love or they still are…. In my case… It’s the first one… Hard to admit it… But at some point you’re gonna have to group them in one of the two

  4. Uhm, for me it’s been possible and it kinda depends on what led to the break up and if you were actually friends with the person from the onset (that’s before you even started dating)… Sure there’d be memories and all but you could still be friends not necessarily tight friends. I also sorta agree with Muyii… Most times you don’t exactly love someone you date, so if you remain friends, it wouldn’t hurt you to see him/her loving someone else…

    1. Hmmn. You might think its actually possible, then you discover that it isn’t. At least, in my case. I actually tried. But discovered later that I had to move on. REALLY move on. From it. Totally. ‘Cuz things can repeat itself. And d cycle of suffering begins again.
      So, no. I don’t buy it.

  5. Haven’t been in that situation , but it’s not possible for me sha, because we would automatically become enemies for life sef, if possible

  6. Absolutely possible! I’m friends with my exs. Not like we’re ‘call each other every second kind of friends’ but at least we talk and keep in touch every now and then. Maybe my answer would be different if I was the one that got dumped doh. But the koko of the matter is I know for a fact that u can be friends with ur ex ( As long as the break up isn’t messy).

  7. Friends?! I think that is just a routine line in breakup scenarios. Once we breakup, it’s over! Alo rami rami, enikan ki rabo e. Pardon my adage. People who stay together after a breakup where never in love in the first place or they still are. Simple.

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