Who’d ever thought that I would see this day where I’d sit around and reminisce on how I’ve fared so far? I could have written suicide notes or love letters both coming for the same core. Now I look forward to everyday with a greasy passion for life. Ironically, I’m tired of living and some are jealous and even pray to live.
Things were pretty much mixed at the beginning of the year. I lost my paternal grandma, bought a new car and a few other bitter-sweet events. It continued like that all through the first quarter. Adrenaline rush, anxiety and uncertainties ushered in the second quarter for me. My sister’s birthday was one of the major highlights! My medical professional exams were staring me in the face and gradually the little strength left in me started to fade. I soon fell ill somewhere along the line but thank God I was finally able to write the exams. I prayed and thought it went well…
This same quarter got me excited for the next level of my academic pursuit. My second best cousin got married that month and I had quite a holiday. I was scared and excited at the same time but one thing I knew was that the days would gradually unfold. The ending of this second quarter felt like a jet crash to me because it seemed a vicious cycle of my life was about to replay itself.
That made the beginning of the third quarter drag . I took each day as it came and was quite unhappy when that month hit my birthday. I had daydreamed of how I was going to celebrate my birthday if I got the things I expected especially because I’ve never really celebrated my birthday except for when I clocked one and ten year(s).
The mid – third quarter saw me writing my pros again. It was demoralising and destabilising at the same time but I knew I just had to do it right. The exam lasted two weeks and I felt a brand new hope from the showroom swallow me up. It took some serious pains and a couple of us that took the exams earnestly expected the gain. People like Iyiola, Muyiwa, Femi (Orimothunder), Seun and me saw a new light and took the opportunity to bond more. Enough thanks to Kunmi, Busayo, Mimi, Amy (who I even assumed was in my fellowship), Ope and many others. The list just keeps growing. They really stood by us when we needed the encouragement and showed they were really the brethren during exams.
The fourth and last quarter just crawled in on me and I tell you, it felt like a dream. Infact it was more like a Nollywood movie to me. You know the kind where you’re watching a scene and the next scene says 6 months later. This quarter was spectacular because it kinda tore me into shreds.
In the beginning of this quarter, the pros results were released, and my whole world crashed. Things were never gonna be the same. A vicious cycle repeating itself in full plain terms. This came at the moment I was just settling in and easing off the stress of the exams and the clinical postings. And now, my prayer point last Christmas is gonna be the same this Christmas.
The silver lining in all of this is that I met someone during this my period of waste. I never knew things could turn out this way. I just hope she’s everything I’ve imagined and prayed for. I’ve written so little too much about her and to her but I’m believing that regardless, God’s will shall definitely be done.
This is the second week in December and it’s safe to call it my crisis week. My thoughts have heightened beyond my mind. I practically didn’t attend any classes. I’m not proud of this, but you know, some things just happen beyond our control. Whatever happens through the rest of the year is honestly no more a concern to me. I don’t even know if I really want to be in the next year for anything because right now, I’m feeling like there’s nothing to hold on to or fight for.
Nevertheless, if I find my way into the new year, I’m definitely gonna be far from myself and I’ve determined to go radical. I’m quite indifferent to whatever it is that the new year holds. But if I live through, I’d be sure not to make as much mistakes as I’ve made this past year. I hope also to achieve everything I set out for the year plus the things I couldn’t do this year…
To connect with Seyi and read more of his work, visit his blog here.