I woke up to this piece by Debola Deji-Kurunmi ( President, Deborah Initiative for Women) and it literally made my day. I remember sometime last year when I was discussing with someone and I was venting about how a lot of these ‘church boys’ really need to step up their love game. So naturally when my friend showed me this, it just felt like she took the words right out of my mouth. Anyway, here goes…
In some of my deepest and most real conversations with a number of “Christian” brothers, I am brought face to face with the grievance they have against ladies, particularly ‘Christians’. They think I could have an answer because I host ladies like myself to meetings, and outings where we share on issues ranging from weight to God, sex, emotions, make up, the future and the men of our dreams, not necessarily in that order.
Anyway, the grievance is “why do the good girls fall in love with the “bad” guys”? I am sure you’ve heard the lingo before now. They say; “after being good, caring, true, faithful and responsible, you still find many sweethearts falling into the hands of those ‘hooligans’” but hey, who said a woman is your reward for choosing a religious ideology!
Just why would a lady go ecstatic about the ‘not-too-good guy’, when ex-campus fellowship presidents and many ‘spirit’ brothers await her love? The answer is close by; really, it’s not hard to see or is it? Why won’t a woman fall in love with a man who knows the rhythm of her heart and paints the rainbow on her soul? He doesn’t treat her like a piece of conviction or an apparatus to gauge his self-control.
Sometime ago, a friend of mine shared her gruesome experience in the hands of her HOD in church. The brother had apparently ‘received’ her as his wife, so he summoned her to a two man crusade to reveal the will of God. After fireworks prayers and a lot of scripture quoting, he outlined his convictions to her and went ahead to warn against the consequences of disobedience, sighting the inappropriate example of Jonah in the belly of the fish. I thought the art of asking out had gotten spicier? If you have a strong spiritual anchor as the foundation of your choice, please keep it as a guarded secret!!! Just say what you want and why you do! Tell me why you will choose me a hundred times over and over above all the ladies in the world.
On the other hand, the ‘not-too-good guy’ takes his lady to the cinema, expends some resource and gives her a cheering treat. It’s not so much about the movie, salted popcorn or bowl of strawberry ice cream, but the atmosphere he builds around her.
With every word, touch on the shoulder, bat of the eyelid, and boyish grin he passes to her, he whispers admiration; he promises the world and simply makes a queen out of a woman. Now, don’t tell me these are not the things that count and, whether or not the promises will be kept is an entirely different matter.
How many times have we grumbled to each other during our girl times, on why we keep receiving ‘Spiritual Books’ as gifts at every weary opportunity to convince us of their love? In fact, depending on the memory of the brother involved, you might receive more than a copy of the same book! The most famous are ‘The Power and Purpose of a Woman by Myles Munroe, the Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, Woman, thou art loose by T.D. Jakes, The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and The Woman after God’s heart by Elizabeth George’. If you are privileged to date brothers from the deeper side of the divide, you will be blessed with gifts such as ‘A Man God Uses by Gbile Akanni, Woman, thou art loose by Dr. D.K. Olukoya, Mother in Israel by Pastor Folu Adeboye or The Effective Ministers’ Wife by Pastor Faith Oyedepo!!!
We ought to grow into ‘godly women of God’ but aren’t there other pretty, simple and alluring gifts that could go along to bring out the lady in a woman? I recognize you might need more crispy notes. How about White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, Secret by Elizabeth Arden, Summer Cocktail by Givenchy? Or Sunshades by Police, Jeans skirt or gown by Wrangler, Girly Shirts by Davida, Office wears by Curtis, a nine-set Music CD pack from the old days or sunlight hours at the beach.
Why treat her like a bundle of temptation, a test you must pass as a display of your spirituality? What about a pat in the back, a squeeze in the hand, a warm, warm hug, a kiss on the forehead, a stroke on her hair? I cannot get over my amusement at preferred postures of prospective ‘couples’ I know. They’ve been announced to the church as about to marry, the brother and sister sit across each other after church service, with such wide space in-between! Oh, could be the church premise restriction!
Delani, a young married man – is not your regular ‘divine brother’. He’s been there, done that and sees life as one huge party! Married for about four years, with a son and awaiting another, he still calls his wife some intriguing names. I must have heard a lot but these ones stuck- Pepperoni, Sweet Yummie, Babe mi, Omoge, My One Billion, Lovey Dovey. I imagine some people already squinting in irritation; ‘na your own be that’! This guy makes a wonder out of his wife!!! I could forgive a man for being overly dramatic in his display of affection to his beau, but I can’t help but seethe in anger at chaps who are too proud, dull or primitive to adorn their women in the robes of noble admiration. Have you heard pet names like ‘Mummy, Iya yi, Madam, Sister Nneka, or Our wife?
I understand that Christian ladies are belaboured by the inclination of their men to make prophetic declarations into their lives, using Bible quotes. So they earn names like ‘Beulah, Hephzibah, Delightsome, My Crown, Righteous Jewel, Pure Diadem…etc. Yes Lord!!! What can we say to these things?
Have you ever seen a picture of a ‘sister’ and a ‘brother’? Particularly the ones they take in the studio? You haven’t? One glance at the shot and many things jump at you. You see bridled dreams, confused expectations, unspoken desires and many invisible boundary lines. His hand is resting uneasily on her shoulder; he tries to lean a bit forward with a nervous grin, the other hand behind his back and he has secrets in his eyes. And then, you have sister Florence, sitting to the edge of the high stool with a shy smile, waiting for the future!
I don’t have all the answers to making a woman happy, but to make her heart sing, you’ve got to bring some zest to the table. A woman thinks a lot about the guy who makes her laugh hard, she grows fond of he who sings her favourite love song and dedicates it to her. She wants to smell your perfume in her blouse, remember the sound of your heartbeat when you said all will be fine and she’d like to be surprised by new things almost every time.
O yes – let godly ladies choose to build a future with men who love God and understand the covenant. At least, no one wants to be a daughter-in-law to the Devil. But we look forward to a new day without the traumas of men unschooled in the affairs of the heart.
We like it when you love Jesus yet get us rocking!!!
Ladies, do you agree with her? Guys, especially our beloved church brothers, what do you have to say about this? Please share your thoughts in the comments section!